Qué Sera…

 

Sometimes you just want know if you are worth fighting for

Mostly we are not prepared for the answer that we ain’t worth fighting for (at least from that person’s viewpoint)
The earlier we accept it the better

Qué Sera will indeed Sera

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Acrimony was meant to be. She didn’t lose something she was entitled to, she just wasn’t entitled to it in the first place.
Today I make the painful choice to stand by what I believe is worth fighting for.

For those I’m uncertain about, I will let go believing qué Sera Sera but for those I’m certain about , I will hold on to it till my last breath

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Will you? Can you?? Do you???

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Do you love me?

 
Be truthful to your self
Aside all the things I make you feel,
Aside the idea of having me
Aside the thought of me being there for you
Do  you love me?

 
Will you still love me when I am no longer there when you need someone to talk to?
Will you still love me when I am not there for you as you want me to be?
Will you still love me when I contribute nothing to your life?
Will you still love me and respect that which I respect?

Will you love me enough to help me confront my fears?
Will you love me eneough to push me further than I will allow you?

Do you love me enough to study me, to know when I am drowning?
Will you love me enough to reach out even when I push you away?
Will you love me enough to still choose me when I cannot offer you what you want me to offer you?
will you love me pass just the way I make you feel?
will you love me pass just the things I make you do?
will you ,love me pass the impact I have in your life?
will , no, can you love me pass all that?

I need you to answer me because I am tired of believing you can, you will and you do.
I am tired of believing things I donot see
Faith they call it

But is it faith when I see you do things that contradict all that I donot see but supposed to believe?

 

Whoever said love was supposed to make sense?

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When I accept Jesus Christ I don’t accept another God or god.
I accept the ultimate expression of God’s love.

Did He have to die to prove it?
Look around you. His creation is a manifestation of his nature.

Look around you again
Everything has to die before you gain
The loss of everything is your gain
Animals have to be killed so you can get food
Plants have to be disconnected from their source of life so as to give you life
Fuel has to be burnt to make life easier for you
Everything has to lose itself to you to make you better, to make you happier, to make you more purposeful

We could argue that He created you in such a way that until something left its original place to prove to you its significance, even if that means death, you will never appreciate its existence.

Maybe love expressed through death isn’t your love language. Good news! the death part was the ultimate! meaning He had expressed love severally- in diverse ways- which I believe your love language will be found, just look closely, trust me , you will see.

INTERMISSION

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Let’s say, your husband keeps on getting you gifts instead of spending quality time with you. That’s his way of expressing love although that’s not your way of receiving love. With time you make him understand how you value quality time over gifts and he starts spending more time with. Will you say he never loved you or expressed His love for you until he started spending quality time with you? That would be unfair and almost unacceptable on your part. You equally had the responsibility to figure out and accept that is his way of expressing his love. You don’t write him off as never loving you from the onset.

What does this analogy seek to bring out? Whether gifts or quality time, love was expressed. Whether death or free gift of life, mercies or great health, love was expressed. I would advise you to not hang on to only the expression of God’s love that appeals to you or makes more sense to you.

When your husband gets you a car as your birthday gift, are you justified in saying, “you didn’t have to do that to prove your love to me” and afterwards throw His car key and even ignore the fact that he bought you that car. so because you didn’t see the need of him to express love to you in that way you reject that expression of love. Whoever said love was supposed to make sense?

Seasons

Each time I pray and I receive the opposite of what I prayed for I lose faith. I lose faith not in the bigger picture but in that smaller picture. The reality that at that point in time He was bound by His plans to not grant me what I requested.

Maybe His plan is to make us return to Him every time. To depend on Him each time; come rain or shine, for better or worse, in sickness or in health.

There are seasons! He made the winter really cold and the summer really warm. All seasons have their times to manifest. He did not make make yhe world to experience only winter  neither did He make only summer available.

He did not make creation to enjoy alone. Just as he created hope, He also created disappointment probably to make us believe in and appreciate hope the more.

At what point do you stop praying for something?. When you’ve lost that thing for good like David lost his child? When you are on the operating table and you realise your miracle definitely wasn’t outside that room then you seek to look forward to another miracle? When you’ve lost that opportunity or that thing that made you smile and you realise that’s it!, at least for that period you were not entitled to it.

Are we entitled to miracles or we are entitled to His will being done in our lives?

Sometimes the winter is so long and painful that the summer means close to nothing. The summer then is used to correct the wrongs the winter brought-to heal the wounds the winter inflicted on us. It’s like winter is assured but real summer is always a wish.

At the end,

I think He just wants to tell me there are reasons he didn’t make only 1 season but 4 seasons. I should learn from nature and not my expectations. He created nature, He made and makes the rules not me, not my hopes or expectations but His. So at the end of it all, I will obey and do what He requests. I will trust and obey and not look within or compare to see if He is who He says He is.

WHAT I really WANT NOW

WHAT I really WANT NOW

I want to tell you I love you
I want to have an expectation that you would contact me each time you are free because I have been running through your mind
I don’t want to imagine how it’s like
I want to know what it’s like to love you so much
I want to experience the joys of love reciprocated
I want to experience reality
I don’t want to live in my head
I want to be a character in my play called ‘we fell in love with each other’
I want to be a partaker in the love business
I want to meet you
I want to long for you
I want to need you

I want you to love me more than I will ever love you because I will love you more than you love me

Patience is key they say
The waiting period is the most tormenting
 But it’s worth it

I can say, I am tired of waiting
I want to meet you
I want to know if ours would be love at first sight or a gradual blooming out of the blue realisation of love
I don’t want you to confuse me with material gifts
I don’t want you to confuse me with what you have to offer
Let me know that i love you for you and then the other yous can follow😉

I’m tired of telling myself I’m not ready
I’m tired of wondering if I would ever be enough for you
I want to meet you with all that I am right now
I want to know if truly I would be less than expected or more than expected or just as expected

I’m too young I say
I’m immature I tell myself
Other flimsy excuses I tell myself
But I’m tired of not meeting you
Even if I have met you, I’m tired of not knowing you are you.

Waiting is painful but worthwhile
I will wait for you
It’s all I can do
Grow and wait for you
I don’t want to imagine how our future would be like
Even in my imaginations, I will wait for you.

TO MY MUSIC MAN

TO MY MUSIC MAN

VOLUPTUOUS®

7 March 2016

 

 

He plays like he breathes

Desperate to bring out everything

Ever ready to push them all out

Its like its a part of you

In the music world you rule

There you dont look clueless or uncertain of the future

There you feel alive

There heartbreaks do not matter

There sicknesses do not matter

There where GPA matters not

You feel free

You feel relieved

You are satisfied

You are happy sad

Music brings out the heart in you

I see your naked soul each time you sing or play

Your distressed soul is seen through music

A priceless jewel is who you are

At the surface you might look ordinary

Beneath that misleading facade

Is the real you

The one and only

The world most prized human

So genuine

So pure

So humble

So plain

Ever ready to love

Ever ready to get hurt

I know one day you would overcome it all

You would soar high on the never failing wings of music

You would express your love through music

You would express your pain through music

You would express your joy through music

You would express your lessons through music

Music might come natural to you

But to me,  music from you is raw God

In your music i find solace

I find a sleeping place

I find soft green pastures

I find myself elevated to the highest heaven

I see God each time you express yourself through music

Never stop being my music man